Bye bye tour bus

Time to take the tour bus back. Be sad to see it go – it’s been comfy.

We’re going to Leicester (where it lives) – Han has asked me to pass on her regards to the shitehole in which she was born (and she’ll slap me if she reads this).

Romish forever!!!!!

Meeting Kev down there (mood??? your guess is as good as mine) and we’ll probably be back about half ten or eleven cos I’ve got to take him home.

The Brecks

Just had a band “debrief” and it was good.

Everyone’s happy… all gone well… tour broke even for us (almost – let’s see how ‘pool does on Sunday) and I’ve lost weight!

Kev gagged when he found out my weight… but he can’t talk – I know he’s hiding a beer gut somewhere under the baggy Liverpool t-shirt.

Did a quite spectacular poo today – complete with hazelnuts. Looked just like a topic bar only not quite so edible. Must be the pack of pistachios I downed last night…. the only food you borrow.

Spoke with Han today – properly – for a change… and shared the stories including the ballbag stretching stories and lava lamp fun!

I’m going to the brecks now (fully goth’d up too) – back to work tomorrow again.

St. Paddy… and it’s green

Not my poo you gwendlin…

I had a pint of Guinness today even though I think we should celebrate St.Georges day too… not Paddy’s day.

A superb gig – met a bloke with more bizarre hair colouring than me which has to be good. I farted and cleared a good 10 ft space around me, and half the tour party managed to get parking tickets.

Trillians is great, but the area it’s in is a hole big style and the traffic warden needs a kick up the chuff.

Kev’s driving us home… I’m in the back writing this in my diary… Steve’s snoring and farting, and Andy’s sat in the front crunching something… Kev’s still in a good mood which is good.

Nukie… and it’s brown.

Poo is brown again now – think “Dulux Conker”

No toilet seats in Trillians so it’s the obligatory “V” of bog roll and perching on a cold steel crapper.

Had a real laugh on the way up here – – – things to do in the bath…

1. Stretch your nad-sack really big
2. Shine a torch through said nad-sack and make an impromptu lava lamp
3. Fill your mouth with bath water and spit it out, attempting to hit said nad sack
4. Fart and see how long you can keep the pocket of stench-gas in the small of your back.

I remembered my warfarin today.

Can’t believe how nice Vaughn are on this tour… why were Firehouse such dicks to work with – lovely blokes… but kill the egos dudes and think about your support bands.

Martin phoned me today – we made a shit load on the Firehouse gig! The CRS is gonna make a profit this year! Wooohoooo!!!!

Finished

Newcastle later today… but I want sleep first.

I’ve got to drive home now through Stoke-on-Trent (and lose the band again – I love having a good sense of the UK road layout cos I can lose them all the time).

Gig was good – someone kept farting onstage and it wasn’t me for a change. Crowd were warm to us – no Steely though – I think I know him… he’s a short bloke, shaved head. He wore leather jeans and a Vaughn Fearless t-shirt at the Corp if that’s who I think it is.

Right… this is Kris Hudson, camp Crewsty (no sideshow bob) signing off till the morning.

The three lamps

The pub is good… food is VERY good… and it’s not far from the Limelight.

Apart from not having the merchandise on us so having to stop via Huddersfield to collect it (and me worrying the band with my in-depth knowledge of the street names of Huddersfield and them casting aspertions about me and sheep…)

Quarnby Road??? that’ll be the long one from the bottom of the hill up t’ top of t’hill… oo-arrrr lass

The over-helpful barmaid (nice arse though) recommended everything on the menu, and the band laughed when I ordered a pint of water. Have they seen my bank balance today??? I’ve got loads of cash… just in the wrong account at the wrong bank with no bank card.

Crewe though… seriously… it’s like Mexborough only not so rough. We can’t actually find anything to recommend living here apart from perhaps the Limelight Club which is very good.

Another good poo and at least the toilets in here have seats (sorry JB’s – your bogs ming).

While I’m on about JB’s – someone put a nukie brown bottle in the urinal trough. OK, fair enough… but WHO THE HELL FILLED IT???? hehehehe

Pro-Plus I love thee very much

I love Pro Plus and Red Bull…

In work – got to run the wages BACS so I get paid… and boy do I need it! Bank sent me a nasty letter because they decided with me getting mardy and moving my mortgage they would take the balance of my insurance out in one payment of over £250… right like I can pay that all at once.

We’re in Crewe tonight and Kev is driving over there – I can kip till we get to Crewe itself because I’m the only one who knows where the Limelight is… well Andy and Steve have been but Memory, Long Term, Seive all fit in this case.

Did another big poo this morning by the way… I love touring – it’s like the Battle of Bosworth field down there – well gory!

How long do they piss around for?

Bloody Firehouse are winding me up now! thank god they bugger off out of the country tomorrow. We have to pick up the tour gear for Vaughn and nobody wants to say what is what so we can’t leave JB’s until they decide what we’re taking… do they know I’m in work tomorrow at 8am???? Baaaaaasssstttaaaaarrrrrddddsssss!

At least our tour bus is comfy even if it does smell of magic trees… can’t find any so I assume they are stuffed in every available gap in the bus – a bit like that bit on Se7en where Brad Pitt goes into the room with the “dead” man who’s had his hand cut off… is that a severed limb I see down behind the seats???

I wasn’t built to get up at this time…

No I wasn’t…

It’s far too early. We had an amazing gig last night at the Classic Rock Bar, I got in at 2am, and the bloody people next door got me up hammering sodding tiles onto the roof of the new flats.

My head is banging and I’m bleary eyed!

A long day today again – we’re picking up the tourbus for the Vaughn tour later from Leicester, and then driving on to JB’s to pick up all the Marshall endorsement gear after they finish the tour with Firehouse.

Still knackered!!!

It’s quarter to 11 and I’m STILL knackered.

I’m getting very sore now, must be because I forgot my warfarin this week. Oops!… my veins must look like a road map of London this morning with all the clogs and roadworks.

Warfarin popped… and back.

I can’t believe I’m 30 and on RAT POISON!!!

Tour party last night was cool because a)Danny came and sat with us b)Had a chat with Hailey and she’s really very nice and c)found out Tony Marshall is a prog-head!

Sat in the hotel at 2am drinking with Firehouse, Pride and Vaughn really is cool though.

We’re at the CR bar tonight so probably no entries for a couple of days…